The Participants

Larry, Steve, Pat, Cliff, Les, Bob, Roy, Jim, Duane, Greg, Jerry, Don, Chuck, and Dolly. [first names only to protect the guilty]

A dishonorable mention goes to Jimmy Smith for canceling at the last minute. And a special thanks to Theresa from Gypsies by the Sea for the great accommodations, food, and for putting up with our aberrant behavior.

This story documents the East Cape Bad Boys quad trip to Gypsies by the Sea in Pescadero [near Todos Santos] on December 12-13, 1998, and is part of the continuing saga known as the Fun Chronicles.

Back in December of 1997, we had a great overnight trip to Gypsies on the quads. Then it was only 5 quads and 1 chase car. Ever since we’ve been planning this year’s trip. It’s a tribute to last year’s adventure that we had to turn away some of the guys this year as Gypsies can only hold a maximum of 14 of us. As Steve and I have jobs to consider, about 3 months ago we decided on the second weekend in December as the best time for the trip.

Last year we took the southern route through the mountains, the Los Naranjos pass. Our plan this year was to find a northern route through San Antonio for the trip there, and return using the Naranjos road. Some of the guys found a great trail from San Antonio up to El Rosario in the mountains, and then down to the beach road to Todos Santos. However, our plans for a circular route were dashed as the Naranjos road has been closed since Hurricane Isis roared through the area back in September. We decided to not let this bother us and will just return the same way on the northern route.

One of our heroes is Jerry - during the ’97 trip he redefined the term debauchery. When the rest of us grow up we all want to be just like him. We decided to make him the object of some good-natured fun this year and plan on staging a mock wedding between him and Dolly [the blow-up doll] once we get to Gypsies. Bob and I conspired to make some invitations we would pass out to everybody on the morning of the ride before we meet Jerry. The invitations read as follows -

The Trojan Condom Company

and Dupont Plastics

cordially invite you

to celebrate the loving marriage

of their best customer and best product

Jerry Brown and

Dolly the Blow-up Doll

Saturday, December 12, 1998, 6pm

Gypsies By The Sea, Todos Santos, B.C.S.

Dinner and Reception will be held

immediately following the Ceremony

The plan is for Bob to administer the vows, Steve is going to be the flower girl, Les is to give away the bride, and I’ll be the official photographer. Some of the guys are a little nervous about Jerry not considering our prank to be in good taste, but the rest of us are confident he’ll understand this is just our way of letting him know how much we consider him our mentor.

As of our last organizing meeting on December 8^th, the group was to include 1 motorcycle, 10 quads, and 3 chase cars. However, with Pat not having a quad and Jimmy canceling, we netted out with 1 bike, 9 quads, and 2 cars. We weren’t sure how long it would take to get there on this untried route, so the decision was made for the main group to meet at Spa at 6am, then pick up Bob on the way north before regrouping and topping off our fuel at Jerry’s, near El Cardonal.

DAY 1

Got up at 4:30 and put on the coffee, turned on CNN, and checked my e-mail while getting ready. I couldn’t get my motocross boots on over my right foot [still healing from a toe amputation - that’s another story], so I decided to go ahead and wear the knee socks anyway for protection and warmth - I don’t own a pair of long pants. Pondered for awhile on whether or not to wear a jacket and a sweatshirt, and opted for just the sweatshirt over a t-shirt.

Met the main group at 6 in front of Spa and we headed north to pick up Pat at Otra Vez, then Bob at his house. On the way there, I couldn’t help but reflect on the bantering that’s been going on between me and Jim for months - he’s got a Polaris 500cc quad, while I’ve just picked up my new Honda 400EX. Mine’s about 300 pounds lighter and should leave him in the dust. I’ve even joked about how I’m even cutting off body parts [my toe] in order to go faster than him. After leaving the pavement, I see an opportunity to jump in front, so I pull up next to Jim for a few seconds before hitting the throttle and rocketing past everyone. Getting to Bob’s a full minute before the main group, I wait to taunt Jim - when he gets there he mumbles something about my bike being fast, and I don’t have the heart to rub it in. As soon as everyone gets there, Bob hands out the invitations before heading north to get Jerry.

After topping off the fuel at Jerry’s, we all take off, with Duane on the bike in the lead, followed by the quads, then the cars. The dust is choking - I sure wish I had some goggles. Backing off to try to avoid the brown cloud in front of me, I’m cruising, enjoying the view. As we start climbing the shear trail heading over the mountains towards Los Planes, I pass Jim, who’s complaining his bike’s not running right - I’m not concerned, as he’s been doing this every since he first bought it. Next I pass Bob, who already needs a beer. Pretty soon I come up on Duane - our first real casualty. He’s got a flat we can’t fix, so se decides to limp on back home and take his Harley and meet us at Gypsies. We all regroup at the top of the pass overlooking Muertos Bay.

Crossing over the pass, we drop down into the Los Planes valley. We regroup again as we hit the pavement, and blast up the blacktop to the intersection with the graded dirt road which leads to San Antonio. Regrouping again at the turnoff, we move out in a cloud of dust and immediately spread out trying to avoid the choking mass. At San Antonio Jim tries to pass out some candy to the local kids, but they all run away - to them he must look like the Santa Claus from Hell.

As we’re gassing up at the Pemex, most of the guys wolf down some homemade empanadas cheerfully provided by the proprietor’s wife, even though we’re planning a lunch stop up ahead. Heading up the arroyo towards the mountains, the guys pick a nice spot in the trees to knock down some beers, tequila, and tortas which Jim has arranged for.

After the liquid libation and great food are gone, we continue up the road until we reach what looks like a billygoat trail leading up into the hills, but Steve reassures us that the path will take us to El Rosario - a small village in the mountains. The path widens into a reasonable facsimile of a road, and we stop at several ranchos where the guys pass out candy to the awe-struck kids.

Continuing on through El Rosario, we turn on another unmarked road which will supposedly take us in down to Highway 19. We spread out a bunch, as this section is supposed to be extremely dusty, and it did indeed live up to its reputation.

Regrouping at the blacktop, we send the cars ahead to the turnoff about 5 miles down the road, while the quads start down the frontage dirt road. This soon becomes tiresome, so we jump up on the highway and zoom to the next intersection. I want to see what kind of legs my machine has, so I open it up and pass everybody, pulling in behind the Jeep just as it reaches the turnoff.

We wait for about 5 minutes and nobody has shown up - I know I’m not that fast, so we figure someone must have broken down. Larry volunteers to go back and see what’s going on. All day long I’ve been heckling Jim about his bike not keeping up, so with a smile on my face I see Larry towing him in.

I’ve been harassing Jim all day long about my bike being faster than his. To this end, I rub it in a bit by telling him no matter what really happened, everyone will think his bike blew up trying to keep up with me. After a lengthy discussion we decide to tow him behind the Jeep all the way to Gypsies, and he’ll arrange for someone to pick him up tomorrow. We regroup and head on down to the beach road, where we need another beer stop just behind the beach. We wind up waiting for about 20 minutes for the Jeep to catch us and finally we send a scout quad to check on them. Returning shortly, it seems the Baja ate one of the Jeep’s tires, and they soon show up.

I take the lead for the run into Todos Santos, and wait about 10 minutes at the edge of town for the next rider to show up. We cruise on into town, gas up and head on over to Shut Up Frank’s, a sports bar up the street from the Pemex station.

After slaking our parched throats we head on out for the final run to Gypsies. This is another stretch which is on the pavement. The Jeep leads out with me on its tail, and we soon leave everyone behind. About 6 miles down the highway we reach the turn for Gypsies. As we pull in, I see Duane patiently waiting for us, with his Harley parked out back.

Soon everyone pulls in, and we begin the mad process of figuring out who goes where. There’s a crisis brewing as at first it appears we’re a bed short, but once we do a head count we realize we’re OK, we only have 13 in the group - everyone gets a bed. Pretty soon everyone’s settled in and relaxing after the long ride.

Before we know it, it’s getting close to 6 and time to spring the surprise on Jerry. We all head on over to the dining room and Bob leads in a bewildered and somewhat inebriated Jerry. I’ll let the photos describe what happens next -

After the ceremony Theresa provides us a great lasagna dinner and we’re treated to a local singer who serenades us for the rest of the short evening. Everyone’s beat, and after congratulating Jerry, we all start working our way towards slumberland.

In the morning I’m surprised to see there are few hangovers. Everyone claims to have slept well, although I suspect some of them merely passed out. Some great coffee and Theresa’s giant breakfast burritos prime us for the return trip.

We all head on out, saying our good-byes to Theresa and Jim [who’s waiting for his ride], with the Jeep in the lead. Once we get to Todos Santos, Jerry and the Jeep leave us for the security of the highway, while the rest of us retrace our route from yesterday.

The rest of the trip is pretty routine, and as usual there’s fewer beer stops on the second day. By the time we get to the pass above Los Planes the group starts to break up as everyone is eager to get home.

Pulling into Otra Vez about 2:30, we all relax and discuss what a great trip this was, and are all looking forward to the next one.

Sr. Divertido

December 13, 1998